Merry Christmas: a message from November that only arrived now because I am good at procrastinating

Hola. Bonjour. Hallo. Uh… cheese? It’s Teapot! I’m not dead! (though I guess you probably thought I was, but I’m not). After my noticeable time of neglecting my little Spout of Wisdom, I’m back, tending it like the child I never really wanted.
So I guess you’re asking “Hey, Teapot! What are you going to blog about?” Or maybe you’re not. Let’s be honest, you’re probably not. You’d look like a right retard saying that to your computer, wouldn’t you?

Item number one: A mini fridge.
Teapot would like a mini fridge for Christmas this year. This is so she can keep lettuce for her Bearded Dragon in her room (Well, this is what she tells people, but really she just wants to be able to have constant, unsupervised access to all the food she desires). If she gets a mini fridge in her room, Teapot will be like this.

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Item number two: A selection of professional paintbrushes.
Teapot likes to paint. It’s the only time she can play with colours and people don’t go “Oh, colours. Oh. You must be so childish. Oh, you have no talent. Oh. Teapots are shitty.” Teapot also likes painting because it’s an excuse to get her face all covered in paint. Teapot is already sure she is getting some paintbrushes. This means she will look like this more often (and I say more often because, let’s face it, I look like this a little too much for someone who doesn’t even own their own paints).


Item number three: A lava lamp.
Mainly because for his birthday in mid-November (the beginning of Christams, according to our town council who decided to put up the Christmas lights around that time), Clay received a lava lamp, and he was like OH I DUN GOTS ME A LARVER LAMP and Teapot was like MY LARVER LAMP DUN BROKEDED and Teapot decided she then wanted a lava lamp, and if she gets a lava lamp, Teaps will be like this… constantly...:


Item number four: Ace Frehley boots.
Yes, there are more little presents I’m getting (like some moustaches, face paint for painting on moustaches, etc.) but I’d just like to skip the little ones and tell you that this year, no-one is buying me Ace Frehley boots. The knee high, silver platforms. I am not receiving a pair. And I need some.
Yesterday, I doodled a pair of Ace Frehley boots in every lesson. In English, one pair. Physics, four pairs, R.E., one massive pair, German, one pair, P.E., no facilities to draw but I did tell my P.E. teacher that she had to buy me some Ace Frehley boots or I would die. You don’t even understand how badly I want those boots. If any of you guys buy them for me, I will actually love you forever. And I don’t mean that in the “Yer mai bestest fwend!” kind of way, I will actually worship the ground you walk on. Like this:


Of course, then you’ll get annoyed with me and tell me to go away, so I’ll don my Frehley boots and be like:


I’ll leave you with that image impressed into your mind-tank. I hope you have a fantastic Christmas and a wonderful New year! Best wishes,
Teapot
(Also, I apologise for the way this post has started. “Well, it’s November…” It WAS November when I started the post, but… you know how time is. It… passes… with time… and before I knew it, November had pummelled me in the face with a shovel of time.)

Top ten + Letter 2 yhu gaiz

Guys! Guys! Hay yhu gaiz!
I'm so very sorry I couldn't do my Friday post last week, but I found my tablet pen yesterday! I'm happier than a lemur with a fez. I bet you are too.
I'm also extremely apologetic that I didn't post my top ten last Sunday! I had it all drafted and everything, and then my computer was like "I'm gonna crash and destroy all your hard work! That's right, bye-bye top ten, au revoir English homework! Facebook? Tumblr? Youtube? That lyric site that's helping you learn all the words to the fastest song you know? All unimportant! Verse one, chorus and bridge. That's all you need." and I was like "FUUUUUUUUU" and it was like "Haha I'm not gonna start now!" and I ws just like "I'mma make a sandwich, angerness!" So, in short, I couldn't post it.
In English, we have a GCSE contributary controlled assessment, and I have to write about a relationship. I wrote about my friend, and how we spent a day together after my birthday. Halfway through the essay, I found myself grinning like an idiot. And if that wasn't bad enough, I looked up and there's my teacher, looking at me with her face. I felt like a douche in a pinafore. Don't ask where the pinafore came from, as I wasn't actually wearing a pinafore. I guess I was trying too hard to be funny, and accidentally dropped a pinafore in there. Pinafores are quite funny though.
So, without further ado, here's this week's top ten, with a fez and a pinafore. Actually, no fez or pinafore. I don't know how to code that awesomely.

1. Top song: Spit it out by Slipknot.
2. Top TV show: Harry Hill's TV Burp.
3. Top band: The Hoosiers (though we never did find out what was up with Ray.)
4. Top DVD: Animatrix (I really suggest you check it out!)
5. Top short film thingy in the Animatrix: Beyond (That's what it's called, I loved it!)
6. Top quote: "This commercial was brought to you by the letter Rape!" ~Someone who would rather remain anonymous.
7. Top thing I doodled: My friend Sam with boobies (It made me happy!)
8. Top person who helped me annoy his friend, for the lulz: Blonde guy!
9. Top food: Cheesestrings (in all their cheesy glory)
10. Top comedian: Noel Fielding ("Wouldn't it be great if I did the whole gig like this? *presses microphone to eye* You'd all have to read my thoughts. Then if it was a shit gig, it'd be your fault!")

That's the Top Ten for this week! My blogging gears'll be a bit rusty after my break, so I'll try and get a post on Friday, but in the event of this not happening, I promise to get it done as soon as possible.
I love you guys! Loads and loads! Fez pinafore duck wedgie! I don't know why I did that.
AML, Little Teapot!

Ohnoes :(

My dearest readers,
I have some news for you. It may not be pleasing, but you have to hear it.
I can't find my tablet pen. This means no illustrations for blog posts. Which means the lulz will not be so much, unless I spend a lot longer on posts, so this is the post for tonight. I'll try to post one next week, but I can't promise anything. The top tens will keep coming, though.
In other news, I might be getting a new camera! This means I can do my photography again! It's on eBay and we're bidding on it, so hopefully we'll win the auction!
I was told the other day that if you have a dream and you realise that you are dreaming, to look at my hand. Because the brain isn't functioning fully, it screws some things up. So I had a dream, and I realised that it was a dream, so I looked at my hand. I didn't have a hand. I had fingers, but just a space where my hand was meant to be. I was also told that if you look in the mirror, it messes that up too, but is sometimes scary. I though "how bad can it be?" so I checked a mirror. My face was all small and squished into the lower half of my face. I poked my left cheek, and my right cheek bubbled out. It was so cool!
I'll try and keep you updated on the pen situation, and share my yayful adventures.
Little Teapot.

Top ten uh gen.

1. Top song: Wo Bist Du (Rammstein)
2. Top TV show: The Inbetweeners
3. Top colour: Pink, blates.
4. Top animal: Penguins because they are cooler than everything.
5. Top quote: Ed Miliband: "David, I love you so much as a brother..."
Dad: "...and even more as a paedophile."
6. Top thing I miss: Charlie, my yellow belt. I miss you, Charlie.
7. Top phrase: "Your mum". It works in any situation. "Do the washing up." "Your mum."
8. Top awesome thing my hair did: After a shower, I put a band all down the length of my fringe, and then I took out the band an hour later and brushed my fringe and it was all FWOOPH. It looked rather 80's.
9. Top word in another language: Bleiben. German for "cry". It sounds phonetic, huh? "BLEIBEBLEIBEBLEIBE."
10. Top thing that happened on 25/09/10: I married this guy who knows my cousin. I have never met him, but decided that because his hair was beautiful, I would marry him. Now, I am married. Well, Facebook married, but that's kinda the same thing.

Blogs are not easy y'know.

Hey guys! Sorry I didn't post last week. I was too busy (lazy) to write anything. Today, however, I felt guilty for neglecting you guys, so I did some doodles in my spare time (maths lesson) for your enjoyment (so I don't feel guilty any more). Enjoy!



And before you say "THAT IS NOT FOR ME. THAT WAS BOREDOM WITH A PENCIL. YOU ARE A DOODLE NAZI" I just want to say that this was drawn specifically with Spout of Wisdom in mind (and kinda just lapsed into DeathNote and me being all sciency). And if you're gonna be like "THIS IS NOT ENTERTAINING. STOP BEING BORING TEEEEEEEEAPOT" then here are some amusing quotes from the past few days.

Megan lies on the floor, putting her socks on. Teapot stands over her.
Megan: Miss Farris would not approve of your makeup.
Teapot: Miss Farris can suck my d*ck.
Megan, alrady being on the floor, literally rofls like a wofl.

Nick is not talking to Teapot. He has not said a word to her in two days. He does this because he is a penis and finds joy in Teapot's misery. This is rather common as Teapot's misery is apparently quite amusing.
Teapot: TALK TO ME, TALK TO ME, TALK TO ME, TALK TO ME, TALK TO ME, TALK TO ME, TALK TO ME, TALK TO ME, TALK TO ME, TALK TO ME, TALK TO ME, TALK TO ME, TALK TO ME, TALK TO ME, TALK TO ME, TALK TO ME, TALK TO ME, TALK TO ME, TALK TO ME, TALK TO ME... (this goes on for about five minutes).
Nick: F*ck off.
Teapot: Thank you!

Emily, Anna and Teapot are on the Hockey pitch at school, and are meant to be playing Rounders (nobody knows why, really).
Anna: Emily... I think I remember you flashing me...
Emily: What? I never did.
Anna: At camping?
Emily: Oh yeah! I was showing you my wierd nipples!
Teapot:...
Emily: Teapot's speechless for the fist time ever!
Teapot:...yeah, don't really know what to say...

This next one is from the Inbetweeners, a show I've started watching on 4OD and have fallen in love with.
Neil: Maybe it's haunted, like in one of those ghost stories, like Harry Potter or the Bible.


I'm sorry I couldn't be all bloggy and interesting and have had to steal things other people said to make a blog post. I am ashamed. I promise I'll do a better one next week. Or not. I can't make any promises, even though I just did.

Peanut butter egg dirt, Little Teapot.

Top ten, late, as per usual.

This weeks top ten is about a day late due to chronic laziness and the fact that I am lazy.
1. Top song: It's a Wonderful Life by Hurts
2. Top thing-that-turned-out-cool: My A2 art folder that I coloured over with crayons.
3. Top garment or whatever you want to call it: My hoodie, with the pink and the blue and the green and the black triangles ^w^ Nice and snuggly.
4. Top band: The Script
5. Top website: the Oatmeal
6. Top lyric: "I found it hard, it was hard to find. Oh well, whatever, never mind." -Nirvana, Smells like Teen Spirit.
7. Top quote: "Okay, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me, so let's get this over with and I can get back to killing you with beer." -Homer Simpson.
8. Top yay: Now that Big Brotheris dead, Scrubs is back on! I LOVE SCRUBS SO MUCH HAPPY SCRUBS YAY.
9. Top TV show: SCRUBS OMG SCRUBS I LOVE SCRUBS.
10. Top thing coming up: Hopefully grading at Aikido on Saturday! SQUEE.

Back to school: what a fail.

Hey guys. Sorry this one’s a bit late. I couldn’t find my Graphics Tablet, so I couldn’t illustrate it. Now, with pictures, my first week of Year 10.

Monday was the first day back at school, and I soon realised why I should have made the most of the holidays. As you may or may not know, I dyed my hair pink a few days ago. The teachers did not like this. I got told so many times on Monday that it needed to be fixed.
My mother decided she was going in to see my new headmistress. First, this woman changed the timetable. Now it’s a two weeks timetable, and when I discovered this, I exploded with anger. Boom. And she’s put in stupid rules. We can't wear coloured socks anymore, or EVERYONE WILL DIE. That lady's a sock racist. Hairclips? No. They are evil. They will jump off your head and eat people’s faces. We were all annoyed by Miss Posh-Double-Barrelled-Name by her first day. That's gotta be a world record for the worst first day ever. And my hair? I’ve been told it’s ‘obtrusive’. I mean, seriously, WHAT?



So on Wednesday, my class teacher, Miss Farris, was like “GO SEE MEGALOMANIAC LADY NOW” and I’m all “I DUN WANNA” and she’s all “NO YOU GO NOW”. So I went, and Megalomaniac sock-racist lady was like “STAY HERE FOREVER HAHA EVILNESS” so I had to spend the whole day with this IT teacher at school. His name’s Mister Ramsden (his first name is not Gordon, it’s Graham, which is close enough) and he looks like a mole man. He was all “I CAN HAS CLASSES YOU SIT HERE TO PLAY EDUCATIONAL GAMES SMILEY FACE” and I was all “HOKAY. GOOGLE. G. A. M. E. S.”



Then ol’ moley Ramsden asked his first class a riddle. “HEY GAIZ I HAS RIDDLE LOLOL. IF THERE ARE TWO DUCKS BEHIND A DUCK AND TWO DUCKS IN FRONT OF A DUCK, HAO MANY DUCKS ARE THERE!? DUCKS RULE!!” and everyone was like “DURR I DUNNO” and I heard Mister Ramsden say “SIX. OHMIGOSH” and so at the end of the next lesson, he was all “DUCKS” and I was all “THREE” and then the boy who sat in front of me, Connor, was all “SIR IT IS THREE. I AM SMART” and sir was like “OHYAH”. I felt good about that.



Then I went home, and mum told me that I had to have my hair gay the next day, so I was all “Ugh fine” and then she made it so you couldn’t see the pink, but it looked like a had a penis sticking out of my head. I was mortified.



We had so much homework in this first week. I did not like it,
Little Teapot.
P.S. I’m also quite chuffed that people at school and Aikido and random places where I don't even know people have started calling me and referring to me as “Teapot”. It makes me happy.

Top Ten!

AHMAHGAHD. It’s the Top Ten again!
1.Top band: Slipknot
2.Top song: Snuff-Slipknot
3.Top film: Talladega Nights
4.Top thing I’ve heard from someone at school: “This is why I hate whites.”
5.Top food: Domino’s Pizza
6.Top game: Ratchet and Clank; A Quest For Booty (PS3)
7.Top TV show: Jackass
8.Top Famous person: Hugh Laurie (Celebrity is too much of a n00by term, and Hugh Laurie is too awesome for that).
9.Top colour: Pink, blates.
10.Top thing: Rainbow socks (for the rebellion and whatnot)

Top thing that was accidentally funny: Minty Whatnot. Yeah. That deserved to be on it’s own.

Top ten

1. Top song: "Beautiful" by Eminem
2. Top TV show: "CSI Crime Scene Investigation"
3. Top blog/website: YouMakeMeTouchYourHandForStupidReasons (A dramatic reading of a real break-up letter from a real person.)
4. Top quote: "I want to die like in my sleep, like my grandad, not screaming, like the passengers in his car." -Jack Handey
5. Top band: Rammstein
6. Top toy: String puppets
7. Top film: Harry Potter (any)
8. Top game: Ratchet and Clank: Quest for Booty (PS3)
9. Top word: Guava
10. Top thing: Glowy star things that you stick on your bedroom ceiling and turn the lights out and they're still there and you're like "WOAH".

Here, here, neglected little friend.

Okay, hey. I know, I;ve ignored you guys for a little while, but it's because, and prepare yourself for a shock, I had NO TIME TO BLOG (OMG SRSLY YES). It was my birthday a little while ago, and I was all BURFDAY YAYS and like SWIM SWIM SWIM and like OAH AMY AND JAS CAN HAS STAY ROUND and then everything was all WOAH GUD TIEMS LOLOL and before I knew it, I was having too much fun to play nerd.
Okay, I've decided I need a blogging routine, so here's the deal. Sunday evenings you get the Monday top ten, and Fridays you get the weekly blog post, m'kay? M'KAY? Yesh. M'kay. And I'll only post in school weeks. If I'm on holiday or Half Term or anything, I won't blog, 'cause I'll be too busy pretending to have friends (insert ROFLSHVUAKOMAIL face here).

Story time!


So, I got my Converses, and was like "SO MANY SHOES ALL THE SAME" and remembered I had pink laces somewhere, and was all NEED THEM but could find them nowhere.


Then I remembered something Josie Lawrence said on QI the night before, about asking one Saint Anthony to find it, 'cause he's the patron saint of lost things. I was sceptical, but tried it.


I asked, albeit nervously, and waited a half hour before looking again.


When I started looking again, I found the laces withing minutes. It was so COOL.


Then I realised that if Saint Anthony existed, it meant God existed. And if God existed, I was going to hell.

*sigh* I am losing my talent for including teapots in my rants. Here's what I imagine Saint Anthony would look like as a teapot.

That yellow stuff around his head is meant to be the gowy halo thing you see in stained glass windows. Not orange juice. It looks like orange juice. I know.

Try not to bother Saint Anthony too much. He's probably quite busy since Josie Lawrence virtually advertised him on Prime Time Telly.
AML, Little Teapot.
P.S. HUGH LAURIE IS AWESOME.

A little late again: top ten.

1) Top word:
2) Top song: Poison by Bell Biv DeVoe
3) Top TV show: Shooting Stars
4) Top movie: The Matrix Revolutions (Top line: "It is remarkable how similar the pattern of love is to the pattern of insanity.")
5) Top food: Fox's Glacier Mints
6) Top book: None at the moment (but the prescence of Top line makes this okay)
7) Top band: Slipknot (Makes me sad because people'll think I've gone "OMG bandwagon! Lemme on bitch.")
8) Top gadget: My webcam ('cause I've got MSN now and I'm like "LOLOL LETS DO WEBCAM CHAT!!!!! TELL ME I'M PRETTY")
9) Top blog/site: DeviantART (watch me, I'm DeadSmexeh)
10) Top video game: Harvest Moon DS (not played it for a little while but it's still great)
And this week's top thing is... MSN! (wow, lots of brackets in this post.)

Wierd...dream...must...share...

Hey, compupeeps. It's me again, with a blog post entailing my dream. I don't think that's the right context for the word "entailing", but it's a cool word.

My dad and I are in the petrol station. (For n00b benefit, here's my dad).



So, we're at the petrol station, and we go into the shop and there are loads of boxes with puppies in them. And randomly, my friend Emily is with us. (Here's Emily, for n00b benefit).



So, I say to dad, "Dad, can we get a puppy?" and he's like "Okay," and Emily's like "Tom's got a cute puppy." Just for the record, I don't even know if Tom's got a dog. So... yeah. "It's a Basset Hound," says Emily. So my dad reaches into a box labelled "Basset Hounds" and pulls out a Daschund. "Like this?" he says to Emily. "Yeah," says Emily, so dad says we can take the dog for, and I quote, a "test drive". So we leave the shop, and Emily goes and sits in a van (god only knows why). Me and dad, puppy in arms, walk up the hill to where Katie and her family are having a picnic. (Katie and her family, for n00b benefit).



So, Mrs Katie goes to Little Katie "Guess what happened to me at work today?" and Little Katie goes "What?" and Mrs Katie goes "I got an email from Robbie Williams!" and Little Katie goes "What did it say?" and Mrs Katie goes "ROBBIE WILLIAMS!" and Mister Katie was all "Omnomnom sandwiches,". Because, remember, it was a picnic.

TEAPOT TIME.





I hope you've enjoyed this edition of Spout of Wisdom. I don't remember what happened to the Daschund puppy, Little Teapot.

Can I ever get this on time??

[b]You know how people always say they "hate Mondays"?? I have the solution![/b]
[i]It's Little Teapot's top ten![/i]

1) Top word: Pessimistic
2) Top song: [i]Amerika[/i]by Rammstein
3) Top TV show: House M.D.
4) Top movie: The Matrix
5) Top food: Philadelphia
6) Top book: [i]Four Blondes[/i] by Candace Bushnell
7) Top band: Nirvana
8) Top gadget: Bamboo graphics tablet
9) Top blog/website: Why Eat Forum
10) Top video game: Guitar Hero 5 (Nintendo Wii)
And this week's top thing is... [b][i]Sweets![/b][/i]

Sorry the coding's all gay. I forgot whether or not Blogger was HTML when I drafted this in Word. I fail, Little Teapot.

Old post

Hi guys. Little Teapot's back with a brand new rant. Gawd, it's been over a week... but that's okay, right? Right.
It's now summer! It doesn't really seem like it. It's rained, like, the whole time. But that's okay.
My mum and I moved my room around 'cause I got a new bed, but now I can't get wireless signal in my room. I don't know what's wrong, but I think it's to do with the router, so I'll ask my neighbours (who I'm siphoning internet from like it's gasoline) what's up with their web. Might be the fact that they’ve gone on holiday and may have turned off their wireless thingy. Yeah… that’s probably it. But that’s okay too.
I was not that chuffed when school closed for the summer, because it meant the boy I like *cough*havefalleninlovewith*cough* is moving away. I don't know if he'll be back after the holidays or not. The last day went something like this.
Morning. Get up, go to school. Friend approaches. She also likes said boy, but I swear not as much as I do. She says he looks lonely, which is code for "If we're together, he will see how much of a horrible person you are compared to me and will love me forever and hate you". We go and sit with him. She's all "OMG I'm shy look at me I'm being shy FFS LOOK AT ME". He's looking at the table. He looks upset. I try to make conversation. I steal his shoe and let him know that he can't move away without his shoe. He tries to retrieve his shoe. I accidentally slam my chair down on his shoeless foot. I give his shoe back. He leaves me with his bag. Mistake. I take his bag and run to our next lesson (ICT). He finds his bag. We're all on Facebook. I'm chatting to him. He tells me his foot's bleeding. I go and see. Yes, it is. I hug him loads and loads. I begin to smell like him. It's pleasant.
After lunch. We're ready to go home for the holidays. Everyone is hugging him saying goodbye. I hug him. I can't help but start crying. My mascara is running down my face. After a few minutes, I feel that he's resting his head on my shoulder. I cry even more. When I stop hugging him, I see that his nice white school shirt is black with mascara. I look at my reflection. I look like this.
9img0
I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking “What a tool.” I guess I’m just a bit upset. I mean… it’s just really difficult… Sorry for posting such a depressing paragraph. Moving swiftly on…

It’s my birthday soon (22nd of August. Comment on this post if you feel like sending me a birthday present. It can be an uber useless present if you want, but I just like presents. Let’s be honest, who doesn’t like presents?) and I think I may have talked a friend into buying me a hoodie. The conversation went something like this:
Friend: ii <3 mii hoodiee lul (Actually, said friend doesn’t type like that, he types with perfect grammar and stuff, but no capitals. I don’t know why.)
Me: I don’t have a hoodie. “/
Friend: OOMMGG uu don’t hav a hoodiee???? Wtff is rong wif uu??
Me: I threw all my clothes out in a bout of pessimism. I didn’t have a hoodie beforehand though.
Friend: ii get hoodiees for free cuz mii dad gets dem 44 m33
Me: Ah. It’s my birthday soon. You’re buying me a hoodie, aren’t you?
Friend: lolol ill see :DD
Me: Well, since you get free hoodies, you blatantly have the money to buy me one! “)
Friend: lolol yeh alrightyy XD

I can’t be asked to blog any more, Little Teapot.

Top ten (OMG IM LATE D:)

You know how people always say they "hate Mondays"?? I have the solution!
It's Little Teapot's top ten!
Except… well, I’m a day late this week. Ah well. You had to wait, but it’s worth it. I’ve a brand new top ten for your enjoyment.

1) Top word: Prenuptial
2) Top song: Fireflies by Owl City
3) Top TV show: Friends
4) Top movie: Kick Ass
5) Top food: Raw pasta
6) Top book: Four Blondes by Candace Bushnell (hehe… BUSHnell…)
7) Top band: Good Charlotte
8) Top gadget: Sony Ericsson k800i
9) Top blog: CRAZYvision
10) Top video game: Wii Sports Resort (Nintendo Wii)
And this week's top thing is... Sleeping!

Skittles and my weekly favourites!

You know how people always say they "hate Mondays"?? I have the solution!
It's Little Teapot's top ten!
Basically, every Monday I'll post my top ten things. It goes like this...
1) Top word: Bard
2) Top song: Here comes the judge, by the Vapours
3) Top TV show: Death Note
4) Top movie: Grease
5) Top food: McDonalds French Fries
6) Top book: Run, baby, run, by Nicky Cruz and Jamie Buckingham
7) Top band: Rammstein
8) Top gadget: Bamboo graphics tablet
9) Top blog: Hyperbole and a Half
10) Top video game: Professer Layton and Pandora's box (Nintendo DS)
And this week's top thing is... Puppies!

Now, onto my blog post thingyamjig.
Tomorow is our last day at school until the summer holidays. That means it's a half day, and when I go back, I'll be a year TEN!! I'll be respectable then. *insert chibi face here*
Today, I went to be a Skittle-pin-girl with a kid called Shelbey. We got paid five pounds each for running after skittle-pins and having rubber balls thrown at us at stupid-mph. I swear that by th end, they were aiming for us.
I'm not really in a bloggy mood today. Info on that in my next entry, methinks.
Sorry again for the lack of teapots and illustrations. I'm lazy today, Little Teapot.

Boring day. RANT TIEM.

Nothing blogworthy happened today, so I decided to make my first utterly pointless blog post. Well, I say pointless... have you got a hamster? If the answer's no, then this is the right blog post for you.

I got home today from my dad's and entered my room. The first thing I noticed was the stench of hamster pee. I was like "GAH". Which led me to write this: the Pros and Cons of hamster ownage.

Pro: They're lovely and cuddly.
This is my hamster, Tarka, or as I like to call him, Tarka-Barka-lounger.



When we first got him, I chose him out of the twenty that were there because when all the rest were cleaning themselves (CLEANY CLEAN CLEAN) he was cleaning the baby ones. Or trying to eat them. Hopefully the first one.
He's so soft and cuddly, and rarely ever bites me. Only when I smell like his food. And I must say, his food tastes quite nice. I tried it once. Funny texture, but tastes quite nice.

Con: They stink to high heaven.
At first, I had to clean him out about once every two weeks. Now I have to clean his cage once, maybe twice a week just to stop my room smelling like hamster farts. Then when I get him out of the cage and hold him up to my face, I recoil in horror. He smells like a toilet. An old one. A porta-loo filled with pee and chemichals and probably traces of god-knows-what. Probably hamster pee.

Pro: My friends love him.
He's really cute, and whenever my friends come round to my house, they're all "MAKE HIM COME OUT AND PLAY" and then they're all "AWW" and I'm all "Yesh." I get lots of visitors to see my hamster, and that makes me happy because I get lonely a lot.

Con: He stays up all night chittering and chattering and chewing on his bars and running in his wheel and peeing and smelling bad and is probably on Facebook or Myspace talking to teenage hamsters and will eventually get arrested for hamster-pedophilia because he's perverted like that.
It keeps me awake all night. "Tip tip tap tap chitter chitter bang snuffle nom nom click click". It's annoying and people are all "Have you been crying?" at school and I can only say "No, I have a hamster".

In conclusion, they are great pets, but they stink and make lots of noise and stuff. They're also time consuming and costly. The judgement, however, is your call.

I think Tarka just peed again, because I got a waft of stench come and hit me in the face, then jump down my throat and start attacking my kidneys which caused them to hurt a lot, Little Teapot.

P.S. Sorry again for the ack of teapots in this entry. I hope you will be consolidated by me telling you that this blog now has a Facebook fan page.
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1614110618#!/pages/Little-Teapots-Spout-of-Wisdom/113378172044444?ref=ts
If you enjoy this blog, join the page. Then invite your friends, your enemies, people you've never met before but somehow have added on Facebook. Spread the joy and animoscity (whatever that means) to the Facebook commuinity. They need teapotness.

The day of the man of greenitude.

Today was the day of the Green Man festival! Basically, it's a festival in our town when loads of wierd people appear and try to sell you stuff. I went with Katie, to buy things from the wierd people and achieve pure joy.
When we arrived, the first thing we saw was the Teacups ride. And guess what was in the middle?
A giant teapot. It was a little deformed, but it looked like this.



So we went on the teacups. There were three little kids on there, one cup each, and they didn't look at all pleased to be riding the teacups, and then there was us. Two thirteen/fourteen year old girls riding the same teacup and yelling our noses off.
Then we looked around for a bit and decided we were thirsty, so I was like "Let's get a drink" and Katie was like "Sure". We left the festival and went to the shop near the festival and bought some Sparkling water. Katie was like "Get some Mentos". I got some soft mints, because they didn't have Mentos. We went to the park and put the Mentos into the bottle, and nothing happened. We fail at explosion-construction. So we took a ribbon from a balloon, tied it to the bottle and proceeded to drag the bottle through the festival, under the alias of "Pepsi". We went up to loads of random people dressed like cows and cats and green people and yelled "THIS IS PEPSI HE DOES TRICKS WATCH HIS TRICKS WATCH THEM" and then made him jump by tugging on the ribbon, and play dead and stuff. After a while, we got bored and sold him to some kids for 50p and a packet of sweets.
We saw a guy with those diablo thingies, flicking them up and down and all around. Katie was like "What are they called again?" and I was all "Uh... gigolos."
I hugged someone dressed as a cow, then danced with it for a bit, then hugged it some more. I was all *hugs* and it was all "Moo". I made a friend and it was a cow.
On the way back, Katie and I bought these really cool metal things to go on our fingers. We went around flicking people in the foreheads and yelling "YOU'RE DEAD". It was fun.
On the way back, a wierd band started playing on the stage. All we heard was "FLOOB (trumpet noises) SOLID BROWN".
Another stage was in aid of cancer research. They were singing a song that went something along the lines of "Oh, the pills, the pills that kill". I was like "Well, I'm not going to the NHS for my cancer treatment.
Well, this entry wasn't very humorous at all. Have some yayz.


Nah, even that wasn't humorous. This blog entry fails, Little Teapot.
P.S. It barely had any teapots in it. What a fail.

EDIT: I edited it a little.

The Uberhug

Today I had a fall-out with my friend. I'm not going to rant about it, because it's not relevant. What is relevant, is that it led me to spen lucnh with another friend of mine, Katie. She was drawing people on the wall for her class. It was random.
She comes up to me and goes "Siani, give me an epic long hug." I gave her an epic long hug. So long, in fact, that it got to the time where we were going to go to the cantine, so I carried on hugging her and slowly scurried out of the door.
We were on the second floor.
So we scurried through the hallway, through the door to the stairs, down the stairs, through another hallway and up to a random french teacher at our school that looks like a bus' shadow, like this.



Yeah. Etienne is cool.
And Katie's like "Etienne?"
And Etienne's like "Yesh?" in his wierd Ettiene voice that kind of sounds like a bus' shadow, only less shadowy.
And I'm like "This is an Uberhug. We have hugged for about Five minutes."
And Ettiene's like "Wow. Kewl."
And we scurried away.
Then we ate some food. I had a bread roll, an apple and a cookie. I also had a drink. Orange juice. Fairtrade. Because I like the people who pick the oranges, even if the juice they make tastes like pre-digested vinegar.

Hope you've anjoyed this edition of "Spout of Wisdom". You probably didn't, because it lacked teapots. Well, I have a surprise for you.



There. Enjoyment installed.
I hope you have enjoyed this edition of "Spout of Wisdom". At the moment, my mouth tastes like that horrible juice I had earlier.
I should have chosen apple, Little Teapot.

I'm a Little Teapot and my spout of wisdom will make me famous.

Hello guys! This is my first blog post and therefore will make me sound and read like a n00b and whatnot! I'm actally kind of excited about it! I don't know why. I'll probably get like one person reading it and that'll be me. Everywhere around I'll be like "READ MY DAMN BLOG" and everyone'll be like "Actually, I'mma pass." I really don't know what to say, so here's a picture of a teapot.



Actually, it's quite scary. An evil teapot that spits hearts at your face and makes you die, scratching your face to get the hearts off and the teapot's just loling at you as you writhe in agony, because it can lol, because it has a creepy face and it's loling at you. It's so creepy. I bet it even watches you sleep.
I'll let you think about that.

Until my next ranty-ravey-when-will-this-end blog post, Little Teapot.

P.S. Teapots are cool.

EDIT: I edited it slightly.